Somehow, I ripped another hole in my favorite pair of pajama bottoms. The legs are too long and they have a habit of creeping under my heels, especially when I stand up. Most of the time, I manage to remember to remove said pajamas from under my heels before I stand up.

This time, I didn’t double-check, stood up, and ripped a new hole in them. Why must they be so uncooperative? Why can’t they behave?

You were supposed to be the Chosen Ones!

Categories: distracted
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Dear Next Door Neighbor,

If your car has a horrible, high-pitched, repeating squeaking noise coming from your engine, a noise reminiscent of a hundred tiny mice being horrendously tortured—for the love of all that is good and holy in this world, do not let it run for twenty minutes before driving off.

Yes, I realize it’s cold. It’s New England, it’s winter, it gets cold. I realize you’d like to drive away in a toasty warm car.

However.

I would like to be able to refrain from STABBING MYSELF IN MY OWN FUCKING EARDRUMS to make the HORRIBLE FUCKING RINGING NOISE STOP.

Either suck it up and drive away in a frigid car, or get that fucking noise fixed.

Not Slashing Your Tires Yet,
—Me

Categories: distracted
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Ethan stopped over to hang out the other day, and he and Nathan and I were trying to decide on what we wanted to do. Watch a movie? Play a video game? Nathan wouldn’t commit to an opinion on what he wanted to do. When we pressed him, he said, “I just want to do what everyone else wants to do.”

Brief pause.

Then I say, “Your mom?”

…this post was brought to you by the letters, U, R, and the committee for ‘ur mom jokes are back in style.’

Categories: distracted
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