Oh christmas tree, oh christmas tree, you used to be in a cemetery.

I kid you not.

Somehow, it makes my headless angel tree pale in comparison.

Categories: distracted
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“The world, on a large scale, has a history of pretty much not ending.”

—steven in this thread on Hatrack.

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The title of the post is the subject of the highly amusing email I received this morning. Now, being one who has worked both sides of the mental health field (provider and patient), I may find these more amusing than most. However, when I went to make this post, I was greeted by this pairing of my site’s motto and the random photograph that appears below it:

I believe that entirely applies to this situation.

Anyway. Here are the christmas carols for the psychologically challenged!

• Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?
• Multiple Personality Disorder: We Three Queens Disoriented Are
• Amnesia: I Don’t Know if I’ll be Home for Christmas
• Narcissistic: Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
• Manic: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants
• Paranoid: Santa Claus is Coming… to Get Me
• Borderline Personality Disorder: Thoughts of You Roasting on an Open Fire and You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why
• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
  Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells …
• Agoraphobia: I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day but Wouldn’t
  Leave My House
• Senile Dementia: Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles from My
  House in My Slippers and Robe
• Oppositional Defiant Disorder: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
  So I Burned Down the House*

*Note: actually, that seems more like Reactive Detachment Disorder than ODD.

Speaking of christmas carols, I’m tired of hearing them. Well, specifically, I’m tired of hearing christmas songs everywhere, all the time. Honestly, it seems to take away from the specialness that’s the holidays (there’s Hannukah songs, right?) and make me want to strangle them instead. By the time I’ve been in any store for more than ten minutes, I feel like I’m going out of my mind. This isn’t necessarily alarming, as my shrink once told me in this conversation which took place in his office during the holidays in a previous year:

Him. “Have you had any thoughts of harming others?”

Me. Pause for thought. Then, “Only at the mall.”

Him. “Well, that’s perfectly normal for this time of year.”

Of course, my shrink knew (knows) me quite well enough to know that I was kidding and that at times, my sense of humor can take on a sense of the macabre (also knows as gallows humor, but I wanted to use the word macabre, which I actually don’t know how to pronounce, just spell, but I do know what it means). And then some kid, whose name I won’t mention because he wanted to go out in style and be famously known and I refuse to help him become famous through the use of his name in connection with what he did, had to go and make the situation real by killing eight people at a mall before taking himself out. When I first heard about the story, with the scant information of a gunman had fired shots in a mall in the West (well, I knew the state, but I won’t mention it either), I thought that it must’ve been the christmas music. (I know I wasn’t the only one, don’t give me that look). Ah, gallows humor. You offend so many.

Apparently I am Antisocial Personality Disorder: In the Bleak Midwinter, I Giggle.

Categories: distracted
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A tasty holidays meme from last year (and probably years before) that I’ve just now seen for the first time on xnera’s LJ.

Here’s the lowdown:

Step One

• Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered…whatever you’re comfortable with) to your blog (LJ or otherwise, as I’m posting this from my website blog that crossposts to LJ). The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple (”I’d like a couple new LJ icons made just for me.”) to medium (”I wish for _____ on DVD.”) to really big (”All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.”) The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
• If you wish for real life things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it’s your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.
• Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your blog, so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two

• Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here’s the important part:
• If you see a wish you can grant, and it’s in your heart to do so, make someone’s wish come true. Sometimes someone’s trash is another’s treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don’t want or a gift certificate you won’t use—or even know where you could get someone’s dream purebred Basset Hound for free—do it.
• You needn’t spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn’t to put people out, it’s to provide everyone a chance to be someone else’s holiday elf—to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not—it’s your call.
• There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just…wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you’ll have the joy of knowing you made someone’s holiday special.

So, my Ten Holiday Wishes, though numbered, in no particular order—

1. A bigger place to live in. We’re getting squished in with clutter between my photography equipment and numerous books, nathan’s guitars and his amp, not to mention how tiny our kitchen is, and the need for some space between the two of us (in terms of proximity to one another, not relationship-wise. No worries, all is well). Oh, and the ability to have an actual Christmas tree that isn’t just ten inches tall. Though, we may have to keep our headless angel as a weird tradition, now.
2. A new ipod, as my 4th generation 20gig ipod has filled up. What’s really weird is that I love my current ipod aside from the 20G limitation. Even though my screen is black and white. *scowl* More space, please!
3. Somehow make more money from what I’m good at doing—both photography and writing. It’s frustrating to be good at things that aren’t great at bringing in a consistent amount of money for the household so that you get get a leg up. There’s so much to catch up on, like student and car loans, that you’re always furiously running to catch up with the bus heading toward the future that you want. There’s got to be a door I’m not seeing, maybe like those secret warp tubes in Super Mario. So, I’d like a secret warp tube, please.
4. For Nathan to find the courage to go back to school. He wants to get what he needs in order to do graphic design, but he’s afraid to fail and is finding it hard to try because of that fear. And it’s an unfounded fear, because he’s good at graphic design, yet I can’t figure out a way to make him more confident in it.
5. A working original 8-bit Nintendo. Our Nintendo has bit the dust (despite intricate repair attempts) and now sits in a place of mourning.
6. A working Nintendo 64 with Goldeneye. Just a classic FPS that you can play with three of your friends, killing them onscreen and giggling madly. One of the best games ever made on those terms.
7. A gym/running buddy. The neighborhood around here has gotten fairly unsafe and walking to the gym a mile away isn’t really safe any more, nor is running alone. Since Nathan has the car on weekdays, just by myself, getting to the gym is hard and running alone would be incredibly stupid on my part.
8. The ability to overcome my fencing competition hang-up. I go into bouts assuming I will lose. Basically, I’m afraid to even let myself believe that I can/will win. I need to figure out how to overcome this. I really do. I’m tired of frustrating and disappointing others, including myself.
9. A Kindle. Because I love e-books on screens bigger than a tiny PDA screen. Or, even better, suggestions on what PDA’s have the biggest/best screens for reading e-books, because those most likely would be cheaper.
10. Snowboarding body armor: upper 1 or upper 2 and lower. I’ve realized that snowboarding can hurt my body just as much (or more) as fencing, and I wear more protection for fencing than I do for boarding.

P.S. For the stores to stop playing Christmas music so that I will no longer hate it. Please. Do it for the kittens. And puppies. And all other cute things.

Categories: distracted
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“You know, Jamie hates falling when she snowboards. And she gets really pissed when she does, and it’s really funny, too. She looks like an angry little elf as she struggles to get up.”

Aubrey, my sister, reminiscing about snowboarding with Nathan and me.

So, it appears I will only get to board once this season. Surgery on my left shoulder is scheduled for December 19th, and that’ll wipe out the following two months of boarding season right there. At least I’ll be able to fence sooner than that, within 10 to 14 days post-surgery (provided I pad the area correctly for impact). I look forward to the snowboarding, though.

My sister did mention that she could go with Nathan and Dane (her boyfriend, who is awesome) and I could sit with their stuff in the lodge. Oh, and that she would be happy to take pictures and videos as they go down the mountain and send it to my cell phone from hers.

She’s so kind. I think she learned it from me.

Categories: distracted, medical adventures
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