“You know, Jamie hates falling when she snowboards. And she gets really pissed when she does, and it’s really funny, too. She looks like an angry little elf as she struggles to get up.”

Aubrey, my sister, reminiscing about snowboarding with Nathan and me.

So, it appears I will only get to board once this season. Surgery on my left shoulder is scheduled for December 19th, and that’ll wipe out the following two months of boarding season right there. At least I’ll be able to fence sooner than that, within 10 to 14 days post-surgery (provided I pad the area correctly for impact). I look forward to the snowboarding, though.

My sister did mention that she could go with Nathan and Dane (her boyfriend, who is awesome) and I could sit with their stuff in the lodge. Oh, and that she would be happy to take pictures and videos as they go down the mountain and send it to my cell phone from hers.

She’s so kind. I think she learned it from me.

Categories: distracted, medical adventures
No Comments »

Normally, eye(s) look like this:

Well, if I’m wearing blue. Anyway.

This morning, they both decided they wanted to look like this!

Yes, immune system! FOR THE WIN!

Categories: medical adventures
No Comments »

I’m now post-op, which is quite cool. I mean, quite cool that it’s over.

The good news is that while I really had a seriously pissed-off and inflamed bursa, there were no rotator cuff tears or any ragged labrum edges. This means less time in a sling and a quicker recovery time. As it is, the sling is for comfort reasons rather than Absolute Necessity. Well, it’ll be for comfort reasons after I’m allows to remove the dressing (Saturday). So the doctor removed the extra bursa tissue and shave off some of the bone to open up the capsule so my other stuff won’t be rubbing against and and causing more problems in the future.

He also found a congenital defect. How wierd is that? It isn’t what was causing the issues with my shoulder (or with my left). Nathan wasn’t quite clear on exactly what the surgeon said (I was still out from the anesthesia) but from what I gathered, there’s a muscle attached to another that normally isn’t attached that way. He took pictures. He gave a copy to Nathan and in the process of leaving the surgery center, they got forgotten. I’ll have to ask for another copy, since I want to see said pictures.

Anyway, though I was incredibly nervous, overall it went well. I also don’t remember much. Actually, pretty much anything. There was getting there, changing, Nathan laughing at my little cap thingy, meeting the nurse, going over the procedure with the doctor, then meeting the anesthesiologist (who was teh awesome). He explained the shoulder block procedure he was doing—that he’d inject a a numbing agent into some spot on my neck that would numb a bundle of nerves (he pointed it out and gave me the name but I don’t recall it) that controls my shoulder, major upper arm muscles, and pretty much stops at the elbow, but could affect the forearm and hand. For some people, the block lasts 8 hours, for others, up to three days. I told him that the numbing agents at the dentist’s office wear off real quick for me and he said then he was pretty sure my block would be like that. He was right, I could use my hand, forearm, and elbow with full feeling since the moment I woke up in recovery. Now I’m feeling the skin (itchy! oh heavens, itchy!) He then explained the on-Q pump—it’ll deliver a ‘caine right to the shoulder for a couple days and then I could take it out. He also said that the first sedative he’ll give me through the IV would make me forget that he’s the jerk who will put a needle in my neck. (His words! His words, not mine!) The anesthesiologist had a great sense of humor. I love that trait in a doctor (or anyone, really).

So after they start the happy-sedative IV, I recall him walking from one side of the bed to the other, then… NOTHING. Not a thing. Not even counting. If there was counting.

Now, apparently Nathan made a smart-alec comment before the knock-out IV and I flipped him off in plain sight of the staff present and make them all laugh. I have no knowledge of this and it certainly doesn’t fit my M.O. Not in any way.

Yeah, I know. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Blinked and I missed it, and found myself waking up in recovery, oxygen mask on my face. I was sleepy and bleary for awhile and the nurse said I must be a really cheap date.

With no sarcasm on my part, I loved the people who worked with me there. They answered my questions, they addressed my concerns, and they were down-to-earth and gave straight answers.

Oh, and because I tend to get the extra-super-crispy-special side effects, Nathan asked the nurse right off what any of the wierd side effects would be from the anesthesia (the general or the block). She named off most of the common ones (we don’t fault her for that because, really, there’s no need to freak out someone who already has a heart rate at 104 and doesn’t push for a Full Answer). We didn’t press.

So after, after Nathan helped me put my contacts back in (I walk better with them on), I noticed that one pupil was quite a bit smaller than the other. Not that one was Overly Large, but that one was Overly Small. o_O (Bit like that, actually). Obviously, my brain sad “Ack!” and we got the nurse to show and ask wtf was up. She thought it was quite cool and went to tell the other nurses. One triumphantly held up the side effect sheet and said it was a side effect listed right at the bottom and that they never got to see it. Then Nathan said, “I told you she’d get one from the bottom of the list.”

Yes, dear. I certainly did.

Oh! And how random is this: I got a free t-shirt (at least, they said it was free) for having surgery today. It just has the surgical center’s logo, so it’s not like some sort of “I voted today!” but saying “I got surgery today!”

So I got trundled home with a front-sling (yeay no rotator cuff tear repair sling!), ice pack, loads of instructions, scripts for Vistaril (anti-nausea), Celebrex (cox-2 nsaid), and percocet (no vicodin, since it kills me). So far, shoulder is okay, though nerve block is wearing off. The perc doesn’t make me nauseous, even if I don’t take it with vistaril (huzzah!) and vistaril just makes me sleepy. I slept a lot this afternoon, consequently I’m awake now. *rolls eyes* However, vistaril is now makng my eyes cross. Off to bed (propped up on the couch in a reclinded position) I go!

Categories: medical adventures
3 Comments »

Surgery date for my shoulder is now scheduled for May 30th. That’s next Wednesday. Since there’s no fencing that Monday (memorial day), it looks like tomorrow and Thursday are my last two days of fencing until August. (And by fencing, I mean left-handed. I don’t even think about right-handed anymore.)

Holy shit.

Categories: medical adventures
1 Comment »

From: Jamie [jamie @ohlookabutterfly.com]
Subject: Recent Events
To: My Fairy Godmother [fairy_godmother @ifuckinghateyousometimes.com]

Dear Fairy Godmother,

You’re probably wondering why I’m writing to you now, when I haven’t written to you since I was six and really, really wanted to be able to ride my bike without training wheels (by the way, that skinned knee? Fantastic job).

Now, for you to understand why I’m writing this email (times have changed since I was six and I’ve lost your snail-mail address), let us take stock of the recent events that have transpired in my life.

1. I come down with some sort of freak illness that no one can diagnose. This freak illness also comes with headaches as an added bonus.
2. Those headaches mentioned in number one? They weren’t caused by the illness. The illness was just a red herring that threw off diagnostics for months. Good one, mate. The doctors found that one knee-slapping as well.
3. During a span of days when I felt well enough to be my normal self, I go fencing. While fencing, I get hit in the AC joint (you know, statistically, I shouldn’t even have gotten hit there the first time. you’re damn good at beating the odds).
4. Things are finally starting to look up. The headaches have decreased in frequency so that only once a week I’m laid out by a monster headache that’s not a migraine. Go lay down during the headache to make myself feel better, you say? It won’t help. It will only make me have a headache and be bored. Nonetheless, I think things are getting better. But ooooh, you trickster, you.
5. Feeling better and halfway through a regimen of methylprolone (that’s steroids to you non-medical people), a regimen, by the way, that was without side effects (I know, I was just as surprised as the rest of you), I go forth with nathan and my sister to snowboard for the first time this season. The first run was beautiful. Swish, swish, swish, carving down the mountain. We go up for a second run. Getting off the lift, the boy stops one foot from where the chair drops you off, and my sister and I crash into him and we slide down the tiny lift-hill in a tangled heap of limbs, boards, and bodies. My right hand (because we just like to pretend I don’t have a left one, don’t we?) gets caught in nathan’s binding, twisted, and then shoved back toward my shoulder socket. Once we’ve all finally righted ourselves, I can barely use my right arm. Right On.
6. So now I just need to get back down the mountain without falling onto my right shoulder and I’ll be fine. Now, I manage to do just that. However, in twisting my body during a fall when my dull-edged board lost traction on some ice on the slope, I at once avoided landing on my right shoulder and instead, managed to land nicely on my left elbow. Now I have two arms that are useless. You just couldn’t have it all on one arm, could you? But I understand, it’s much more amusing this way.
7. I ice the shoulder and elbow when I get home. My shoulder feels decent when compared to what I thought it should be, it’s the elbow that’s more concerning. Two days later, the elbow is nearly back to normal and my shoulder refuses to work properly. Ha! You managed to get my hopes up, there. You’re just too damn good at this.
8. Physical therapist says that the joint is more unstable, much more swollen, and my range of motion is significantly diminished from my last evaluation (which was, by the way, the week before). Physical therapist says to call doc.
9. Call doc. Doc orders x-ray. I go and get my x-ray.
10. Driving home from said x-ray, I am munching away on a Pria bar, and I hear a crunch. Not a “You’ve bitten into a soy crisp” crunch, but a “This sort of crunch should not happen in your mouth” crunch. Further inspection reveals that I have broken a tooth. What’s that you say? I broke a tooth? Yes. I broke a fucking tooth.

Now, let’s take a look at your job description.

Fairy Godmother—

noun

1. a generous benefactor
2. a female character is some fairy stories who has magical powers and can bring unexpected good fortune to the hero or heroine

—from dictionary.com

While you have been generous, you have not been a benefactor.

While you have magical powers, you have not brought unexpected good fortune to the heroine (e.g. me).

In fact, you’ve continuously brought unexpected bad fortune to the heroine.

As such, you have not fulfilled your duties as my fairy godmother. Effective this date, you are hereby terminated from your position as my fairy godmother.

Best Regards,
Jamie
Your Former Fairy Godchild

Categories: medical adventures
2 Comments »