Distracted by Air

Archive for the 'fencing' category

always remember to wear your plastron.

February 6, 2007 7:14 pm

wearing this—
plastron

can prevent this—gigantor bruise

Remember, kids, when you fence with your non-dominant arm, you have to switch your plastron over to the other arm, too.

This has been a public service announcement.

sport desperation

February 1, 2007 11:14 am

There are times in your life when you come to realizations.

You ask yourself, “Self, how much do you miss fencing?”

“Why,” says Self, “I am going batshit crazy, that’s how much I miss it.”

“And Self, how hooked on fencing are you? How far are you willing to go so that you can fence right now?”

“There’s only one thing that can allow me to fence,” replies Self. “And you already know what that is.”

“Insurance won’t pay for shoulder replacement, we’re too young. Besides, that would still take months on months to heal, this current problem shouldn’t take that long.”

“Are you deliberately being dense?” asks Self.

I study my feet intensely and mutter, “No.”

“Allow me to jog your memory. You, of course, know of The Princess Bride..”

I look at Self like she’s got three heads. “Everyone does. Especially every fencer.”

“Ah,” says Self, “then you will understand. You see, I am not left handed.”

“Of course we’re not. We’re right handed. We’ve never ev—oh. Oh.”

“You understand now?”

“I understand, Self.”

“Good. Now please, for the love of the puppies and kittens, make the withdrawal twitching stop.”

 

The left-handed grips arrived via UPS today.

overheard at fencing II

December 22, 2006 11:06 am

“Well, I just finished measuring mine.”

“Then let’s go.”

—Ethan and Bugsy

oh, and the worst ‘your mama’ joke ever:

Nathan. “Anything with a dollar menu is automatically a fast-food restaurant.”
 
Ethan. “So nathan, does that make your mom a fast-food restaurant?”
 
Everyone else: *blink*
 
Ethan. “Okay, I’m sorry. That was really bad.”