“Why the HELL did I go towards the ice!?”

That wasn’t Levesque. That was actually a little kid who had bombed right towards a pool of slush and wiped out, one little ski-clad foot resting in the pool. Poor kid.

“AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!!!!!”…that was the little girl decked out in a pink parka screaming the entire way down the beginner’s slope.

Levesque’s reply: “I know how you feel, kid!” Levesque is goofy. I mean, we all knew that, but she RIDES goofy, too. This didn’t get figured out till we were on the beginner’s slope for the first time. Wait…back it up. This starts last night as Levesque says she got paid and we were going to NOTB.

Note: don’t go there.

We got some salesdude who seemed damned intent on selling her high-end stuff. 1. she’s on a budget. 2. she’s a beginner, she doesn’t NEED high end stuff and once her mid-level gear wears out, she can get high end. It took no end of manuvering to get him to let Levesque direct what she wanted. His first suggestion for a board had graphics that, swear to god, looked straight out of Hello Kitty. I mean, if she had that board, I’d be on my ass laughing the entire day on the slopes. Without a break. Next board was a pale pink–not quite as bad, but somehow he’s got Levesque pinned as a Barbie. Then come out the high-end boards. These DO have nice graphics. Sweet colors. But hot damn, high-end-expensive and not in any of the sale packages they have. We chase him off. Examine boards ourselves. Find a board (did I mention levesque is small enough for a kids’ board and boots and bindings which means an upfront $200 savings?!) that she likes that’s in a package. It’s major selling point besides price?…it has a monkey on it.

Salesdude comes back. Levesque announces her board choice.

“What are your reasons for picking that board?”

It’s a POP QUIZ!?

Levesque says, “Um…it has a monkey.”

True. It had a monkey. And was in a package. On to the boots–yet again, kids boots. First he tries to get her into the women’s boots. They cost more. Except kids boots fit better. Chase him off, get boots. In the end, Levesque got all geared up for snowboarding for a pretty good price. But neither of us will be going back to NOTB again because of Salesdude who kept trying to sell Levesque what she didn’t need–even AFTER she explained, more than once, what she had for a budget and what she needed.

We did get stickers. Like little kids at the doctor’s.

We wake up at the asscrack of dawn. I turn on all the lights as levesque snores away on the air mattress. I’m up and ready–Levesque is still passed out. Jumping up and down and shouting like it was Christmas morning got her up. Bleary eyed we stop for gas, then stop at Dunkin Donuts. I get confused at the drive-thru and at first order a “Bluecheese bagel.”

“A what?”

“I mean, a blueBERRY bagel. With cream cheese.”

A stop at the bank to deposit a work check. No pen. No pen. No pen. Whoever watches that security tape will get a good giggle.

…back to Levesque being goofy. At first she tries to ride regular (because the Salesdude argued with me and said that she rode regular because of the push test, and I said he interpreted it the opposite of the snowboard place I go to) and well…she rides goofy. Get the bindings switched, go back out.

Levesque manages to STAND! *applause*

Lesson time. I freeze my ass off for ninety minutes as levesque falls on her ass.

And fall on her ass.

And fall on her ass, as is normal for boarding. She made out pretty well. Just a bruised right asscheek, strained right wrist, torqued left hip flexor, banged up left shoulder.

She’d hooked. Loves boarding! ANOTHER CONVERT!

Just to add…we also got tailgated by a hearse with high beams on the way home.

Categories: distracted