Hey, look an update. As the main site says, I have my own awesome one bedroom apartment in Manchester, NH. And no, I’m not giving out my address. I worked at the Lawrence Bridge Home for the better part of a year. My first real full-time grown up job. I did good at it, even got promoted in October from shift supervisor to case manager (direct care to administrative). Then stuff got ugly between the union and the management and I was in the middle. After getting smacked around by management for a couple months (me being the union steward for our site since no one ELSE would do it, weenies), I got sick of that shit and quit.

Of course, not before finding a new job at the Community Council of Nashua. I’m part of the clinical staff there as a case manager. Business cards, nameplate on door, even have to keep a damn appointment book. Feels very stange, like I’m a ten year old playing dress-up. Great job though. Love working with the kids, me being in the Child and Adolescent Unit. Strange, how I can’t seem to get away from kids. Like it’s meant that I’m to work with them. S’okay. It’s fun. Means I get to play with toys and get paid for it!

About the bipolar stuff. Mood shit got weird near the end of October. By the end of November, I’d gotten admitted to the damn hospital again. I stayed for less than 24 hours (thank God). Psychiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar disorder instead of major depressive disorder. I think it sucks. Depression meant I could stop seeing a therapist and stop medication and be okay and normal and all that shit, right? Instead, I’ve got this chronic, lifetime condition that I’m supposed to take medication for to keep stable. Only, the medication really fucks me up, makes me a zombie, has this HUGE potential for weight gain (did I mention I’ve lost like thirty pounds? Look) and makes me go stupid.

Take your life as it is.

Turn it upside down.

Do some headbanging.

Your hiccups have stopped, but you need to remain like this unless you want them to return.

Sorta like what this feels like now, only I KNOW, being in the mental health field, that the mood swings aren’t hiccups. They’re very dangerous (obviously, since apparently I have this stupid and embarassing tendency towards suicidality). I can’t even be a HAPPY damn manic. Instead, I get shitty mixed episodes where I’m paranoid, irritable, have boundless energy, and want to die.

What fun.

Anyway. I went through four therapists between Todd and the current doc. This one is good I think, comes recommended by Finn. I have an evaluation with a new psychiatrist in the beginning of June, so I can get a firm diagnosis. We’ll see.

I just have to knock off the current round of suicidality. I have a plan set and in place and ready to rock n roll at any time. How fucked up is THAT?

Categories: carpetbagger